Linzcap’s Weblog

so here i sit, back in my house, back on the floor of the bathroom at night while everyone else is in bed…..i still don’t really know why i always end up in here to write or read or pray at night….instead of somewhere comfortable like the couch downstairs…i think i feel like i’m closer to being ready to jump into bed if i’m in the bathroom where i could theoretically be brushing my teeth or something :)

last day of class. i still swear studio lighting is of the devil. mandy tells me i will not always feel this way. i’m not sure i believe her yet ;) i looked so horribly tired this morning that i made kristen and joel promise that the practice portraits they took of me would not end up on the internet. anywhere. ever. yes, it was that bad.

photo retouching — sooooo much freaking fun. i LOVE photoshop….too bad i don’t have $700 laying around….

class ended around 4. it is crazy what a week can do to strangers. i said goodbye to some really good friends today. Mandy, Rowan, Kristen and I were the only ones sticking around till Saturday, so we decided to head to Fredericksburg for some volleyball at the Danahers. i packed up all my stuff and figured i’d get home from there somehow. changes of plans keep my life interesting.

so i got back to my world. and it was sweet times. i was so happy to see mandy, rowan and kristen join that world for a little while. for them to meet my sis and bro, who came to hang out and bring me back home…i was glad they got to see me in my natural habitat. after a long week, it was really nice to be in a home. a real home.

so then i got  back to MY home. jenn and i had a lot of catching up to do. hence the hour of this post. i think back and can’t believe how fast this week went by. i’m so grateful for every day. it was not just a good week. it was a crazy good week. like, i had so much fun. i can’t even believe it. i’m so glad God didn’t let me waste much time worrying about it. i’m so grateful i had you all behind me, praying for me. i know God heard those prayers. I know He answered in His wisdom and mercy.

life goes on from here. it doesn’t stop and wait for me to get enough sleep to feel human again. it doesn’t stop and wait for me to process the past before its time to live the present. i have alot i’m looking forward to in the next few weeks. a lot more craziness. a lot more chances to know Jesus better. and having walked through this past week without fear of the unknowns, i feel hope and peace about walking into whatever is ahead of me.

i’m really planning on getting all my pics up as soon as i can. that’ll probably happen next week. haha. maybe. while i’m packing for mexico and everything.

alright. i hope you all weren’t bored to death this week. blogging will probably cease for a while. i have a habit of doing that. but you never know….:)

i think we walked 5 bajillion miles today with all our camera gear. my feet are in pain. my shins are in pain. but thankfully my hip stopped hurting. i had to switch my camera bag from the sling to the backpack because it was making one leg work harder than the other to shift all the camera weight around. not fun. but i found out that the backpack position is extremely comfortable with this bag, so that is good to know.

i am SO behind on posting pictures on facebook that i feel like it’s going to be incredibly anticlimactic when i finally get them all up :) but i’m trying, guys, really i am. i’ll get them all on facebook before i leave for mexico. that is my goal.

so this morning we left bright at early (by which i mean 8am) to take couple portraits of Penny and Brandi (see last post to find out who they are). We walked a mile to the FDR memorial and were given our assignment. We would each scope out a location in the memorial, shoot them on our own, and then at the end we would do a group shoot (one shooter, two reflector holders and a flash holder.) I thought to myself, “as long as i don’t have to go first….and as long as i’m not the shooter in the group shoot…i’ll be fine….”………famous last words :)

So yeah. I definitely was the first one up for taking portraits. We had to use an off-camera flash and a reflector. I had prayed in the morning that God would give me the questions to ask, and in the five minutes I had to get ready for the shoot, the questions started popping out…flashes are devilishly difficult for me to use, so Mandy was great and walked me thru it again…wouldn’t be the last time of the day….I had Kristen assisting me, and right before we went to find Penny and Brandi to get started, i looked at her and was like “heyy, how about we PRAY before starting this!” So we did. And God gave so much grace. It was hard, I was a little stressed, but I was still having fun.

And yes, I definitely got assigned shooter for the group shoot. We did all sorts of cool stuff with flashes for that. Looked like we were professionals or something…:)

oh oh oh!!!! thousand hour challenge: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_D8UEA10EU

We shot at Arlington Cemetary this evening, and did a sunset shoot at the Lincoln memorial.

I feel like today I finally got to spend some one-on-one time with each of the girls here. It was really fun. I really like these girls. All three of them are SO different in personality and life experiences and life goals. Lots of laughs today. Lots of laughs all week, actually. God is so good to us.

Ok. I have to go pick out an image for a contest tomorrow and then get some sleeeeeeeep so i can stay awake for our last crazy-packed day.

Thanks again for praying for me.
see you sooooooooooon.

so every night, someone in our group is supposed to write an update for the IPS website. tonight’s my night. so here we go.

Wednesday. Today was beautiful. Class didn’t start till 10:15am, which was even more beautiful after late night photo editing :)

Most exciting assignment: 1000 Hour Challenge. That’s right, folks. 1000 images in 1 hour. We synced the clocks on our cameras, were assigned a specific number of shots (we split the 1000 between all of us), and had to find a starting location where we could not see any other classmate. Black & white only. The idea is to put them all into a video in chronological order. We had all of Union Station, inside and out to shoot in. It will be crazy fun to see it all together. 5:30 hit. We we off. It was a BLAST. I got my 150 images done with 15 minutes to spare. There were lots of laughs to go around, and we ended the night with some amazing Chicago style pizza.

Most exciting experience: Sitting at a table eating aforementioned amazing pizza with Penny and Brandy, some friends of Rowan’s who came by to shoot with us tonight and be our models tomorrow. It was crazy encouraging to sit, listen, talk and laugh with some people who are living the answers to some of the questions that are dancing around in my head and heart as I seek God about what part photography is supposed to play in this life of mine. I’m thankful for the gift of getting to spend a few hours learning from the lives of a man and woman who love Jesus and love people and who want to see people’s hearts changed by the love of Jesus and the Spirit of God. And they love photography too :) It’s a pretty sweet combo.

There is way more that could be said. But sleep is of greater immediate importance to make it through the second half of this week. God’s mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

Dirty feet. Very dirty, tired, happy feet.

Walked all over today. Took portraits of the stunningly beautiful Abby Vander Hamm. Downed at least 40 oz. of cherry coke at dinner. Ate a hamburger with a sunny-side up egg and bacon on it. Super good. Because of friends of friends, our group got an after-hours tour of the capital building at night. We got back at 11pm to start working on our photo processing assignment. I’m almost done with that. We were given a new assignment too, in light of the cool capital building shots we got to take :) And I really want a shower. So. Maybe I’ll be in bed by 3:30….

Moral of the story: Lindsey is rejoicing that class doesn’t start till 10:15am tomor—uh…today :)

Thanks guys, again, for praying. I can feel His joy and His strength and His love. I pray that you can too.

God. Home. Vision. Mission. Lightroom2. Cold coffee shop. Walking outside. Meeting new people. Catching up with old people. Flashes and sync cords. Practicing skillz. Bob the joby tripod. Bibles. Beads. Cards. Tea. Crayons. Flip-flops.  Chipotle. Telling new friends about foster care and mexico city. Hugs. Peace. Grace. Assignment. Iced Chai Tea Latte. Chat. Call home. Phone prayers…..

So here I am now, on my bed in my tiny room, finally warm in my orange hoodie.
I just turned on Shane&Shane’s song “Holiday” (hence the title of this post) because it just seemed…right.

I had no idea what to expect of this day. I had a few minutes before breakfast to continue my study in Philippians.
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious  body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” (3:20-21)

Home. This world is not my home. I forget that a lot. I forget that I’m waiting for something better. Something more real than this. I forget that Jesus is coming back. I forget some days that the end of sin is coming, “the end of sickness, separation, and pain – the day we come into our inheritance. After all the years as aliens in a foreign land, we’ll be home with the One we love.”

“…Our destination defines our identity…In truth, any place on earth we citizens of heaven inhabit should becomes a little more like heaven because of our presence…”

Remembering those things this morning…remembering Who I belong to, and who I am as a child of God, a citizen of heaven and not of this world….it made me unafraid. I wasn’t scared of breaking in and getting to know these people who have already been together for a week. I wasn’t scared of answering questions when everyone else was being silent in class. I wasn’t scared of not being able to think of creative ideas for photo assignments. I wasn’t afraid to try new things (even new food at lunch….:) I wasn’t afraid of asking questions. I wasn’t freaking out because of not having a schedule to follow (don’t laugh :) I sat here on my bed a few minutes ago trying to think about how to define this day that just passed…and as I thought back thru the day, i seriously looked up at sarah and said, “i…i don’t think i was afraid of anything today.”

God is more good than I ever expect Him to be. His love rained down like a thunderstorm today. And I had a lot of fun playing in that rain :) Thank you for your prayers. Our glorious God is hearing and answering. I am humbled, and grateful. If you think of it, you can also pray for the other students. They are on week 2 of all this, so they’re a little more tired than I am and I think they could use some encouragement. Their names are Hope, Kristen, Meagan, and Joel. And Rowan and Mandy are our instructors, who have been on the road for longer than just these two weeks. Thanks guys. Hope and pray that the adventures of your week lead you closer to home, closer to Jesus. And now here are some photos to reward you for getting to the end of this rant.

today.

velcro:
finished up my week of dog sitting and house cleaning for the bentz’s. grateful that the upstairs AC seems to have fixed itself overnight.

sermon title:
Security blankets, camels and monkies

jason schubert’s first sermon at grace-pres:
SO GOOD. (if you go to my church and you missed it — get a cd…tho it def won’t be the same without being able to see the props :)  about how we so easily put our security in our riches or in our righteousness. and how as a child of God, our security comes in giving up your mark of security in this world, and trusting Jesus. it comes in loving and giving and waiting for the kingdom of God to come as we have been promised eternal life.

father’s day:
i love my dad. he’s INCREDIBLE. the more i spend time with girls who don’t have dads, or who don’t have relationships with their dads, the more deeply i realize the gift God has given me…my dad provides for me, he protects me, he cares about my life and my heart and my future and my plans, he is very wise and loves and trusts God to take care of us and provide for us….he leads our family…and i praise God for his life, without which i would not be here :) and i’m really thankful for all the chances God has given in the last few years for me to share my dad with some of my friends who don’t have dads involved in their lives….
really sweet time with the extended fam. when we all get together, we have 7 kids ages 6 and under running around :) really hard stuff going on, stuff I really don’t understand. but God is bringing us together in His love and its been really cool to watch Him work.

hotel in DC:
in true IPS fashion, the sketchiness of this hotel outdoes last year. (sarah argued this fact with me while we were walking up the windy staircase to the top floor (4th) where my room is….but at least the hotel last year looked like a legit hotel…this one is more like a tall skinny row house that happens to have halls of rooms in it….)

my room:
tiny. everything in it is tiny except the bed and the desk, which i will be sharing with sarah for the rest of the week…but tonight i’m here alone. the bathroom is especially tiny. the sink is like the size of a book….a big book… its all very cute though :) and i like the pillow cases. which is important, because i left my pillows at home to cut down on things i have to carry back with me on the metro saturday. this was a big step. i am VERY fond of my pillows.

my major malfunction tonight:
i have this constant feeling that i’m forgetting to do something. the insanity of the last few weeks has made me unable to believe that i have no responsibilities tonight besides going to bed. funny. i should try to enjoy it :)

Song line dancing thru my head:
“All of the walls in the rooms of the house are the usual shape and size…I’m just a person who can’t be for certain that I’m gonna fit inside” (sandra mccracken)

there you have it. i took no pictures today at all. i figure i’ve had my fill this past week, and i’ll get my fill this coming week. this was a day of REST :)

This is an hour later than I planned to go to bed tonight, but since I know I won’t have time for this tomorrow….what’s a few more sleep-deprived minutes? :)

Some of you know, some of you don’t, but I’m heading to DC tomorrow for a week-long photography workshop. It’s part 2 of the class I took last summer. And I feel the need to ask for prayer support…..

Last year’s class was HUGE and it was a hard week in a lot of ways (some good ways, some not-so-good ways….) This year it’s 5 students, including me, and two instructors. I’m REALLY looking forward to that. But as I’ve been running around like a mad woman the last few days (dog sitting/house cleaning all week, finishing up 2 HUGE projects before my trip, getting the ball rolling towards enrolling in college this fall, helping take care of my nieces and nephews who are staying with us till Tuesday….just to name a few pieces of the pie :) I finally got a chance today to stop and think about leaving tomorrow, and a lot of mixed feelings came with it. And as if to prove that He hasn’t forgotten about me in all this, and that He has GOOD plans for this week ahead of me, God sent a barrage of encouragement tonight through the words and prayers of my mom and dad, siblings and some really good friends. I’m so thankful for them. And for all of you who have prayed me through all sorts of insanity. So here we go again :)

Here are a few things to pray for Lindsey if she comes to your mind this week:
- humility and teachableness….i want to be ready to be challenged and learn and grow in photography
- good relationships with the other students and instructors
- pray for QUESTIONS…i am really bad at asking questions, and a lot of times i feel like i don’t even know what questions to ask…but these instructors know SO MUCH about what they do…pray that God would give me the right questions to ask to learn what I need to learn to be able to use my camera to bring Him joy and honor.
- confidence in who I am in Jesus…..that i wouldn’t be afraid of not fitting the mold of “model photographer”, but that i would just…be the person God created me to be :)
- and my BIGGEST request: self-forgetfulness. i want more than anything to go into this week forgetting about myself, and just loving God and loving the people He puts in each day. My eyes so easily get focused on myself and my agenda. I want that to change. I want to learn to more deeply care for others than I care for myself.

so. that said, bring it on :)

“The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.”

Psalm 92:12-15

I’ve been thinking lately about how young I am. I spend a lot of time thinking about what the future might hold. It’s easy to let the uncertainties turn to fears. There is no way I can know what my life will look like.

“Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.” (Oswald Chambers)

Since day one of 2009 I don’t think my life has stayed the same for more than a week :)

Work changes, study changes, relationships changes, circumstance changes…these crazy days leave no room for even pretending that anything about tomorrow is certain as I see it. I’ve never been a big fan of change, but I feel like that is changing too. Recently a friend told me, “I’ve learned that when things don’t go my way, they usually go better.” In the midst of all this change, I am realizing that I trust God more than ever before in my life. It is crazy to sit back and see that He has really changed your heart. I really believe now that He knows what I need, and I don’t, and that I can trust Him to work all things together for good for those who love Him. It’s humbling, because it is entirely undeserved. It creates gratefulness and joy. I’m seeing myself responding differently to change than I did this time last year. And I’m realizing that I love Him. I really love Him, because He loves me. It’s crazy.

That’s not to say, though, that I haven’t doubted His love these days. These deeply good days of 2009 have also held intense spiritual warfare. God has been faithful to me through long days of battling the enemy’s attacks, being overwhelmed with fears, doubts and lies about who I am and what the future holds. His love comes and breaks in with words of truth every time – reminding me that I am a mess, but I am a child of God, I am loved by God, I am taken care of every moment by God, and I have a future and a hope in Jesus…He holds the future and has a plan for my life, and it is GOOD.

So back to the POINT of this…those verses up at the top. I love this part of life that God has me in right now. I’m learning to love God and love others in every unpredictable circumstance. I pray for grace and self-less-ness and humility to learn how to love like Jesus loves. I spend my days asking God to help me to minister to whoever He brings across my path. I am not alone. God has given me real friends and family to walk with in the fellowship of His Spirit: learning to live like the body and bride of Christ. We ask Him for creativity to meet the needs that we see all around us, all the time. We ask God to help us encourage each other to keep seeking His kingdom and His righteousness first. We ask God to build His kingdom here through us. We don’t know what that will look like. But we long for it. We are learning that God always provides for His kids, and that we have no legitimate reason to be afraid in this life because we are safe in Jesus, who died and rose again to conquer sin and give us life. We are learning more deeply that God holds us in all our weaknesses and failures and that His love never fails.

When I think about the future, I tend to imagine something entirely different than what I’m experiencing right now. But I read these verses and my heart is overwhelmed with hope that this is not just a phase of my life – this is the whole thing: to be rooted in God, planted forever in His house; to grow, to flourish – and to still bear fruit in old age, always alive and green, declaring that the Lord is upright and that there is no unrighteousness in Him. It excites me to no end when I think that I have my whole life ahead of me to walk with God and know Him more through every unpredictable circumstance that is to come. I laugh when I think that when I’m a 90 year old woman (if I’m around that long), God’s love will still be fresh and new, and He will still be pursuing me every moment, working out His good plans for my days, letting me know Him more, teaching me to love Him more and giving grace to minister His love to the people around me…

May we give and give and give without fear.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Eph. 3:14-21)

Tonight I got in the Mitsu with my little bro, and he drove us to Food Lion. (one of the many exciting places you can go in King George after 9pm…)

On the drive to the Food Lion, we listened to Sandra McCracken’s CD, Gravity|Love. There are some crazy amazing songs on that record.

We got to the store, did our business, and got back in the Mitsu.
We always ride with the windows down and the sunroof open.

I love looking up thru the sunroof at night…watching the dark blue sky, the stars, the moon, the tops of the trees…it’s really calming. I think the song Gravity|Love was playing, when my brother excitedly proclaimed, “Put your arm out the window! We’re going down!”

I love my brother. I realized in that moment just how thankful I am to have him around. I realized that we’re probably not going to live down the hall from each other forever. I realized that I need to not take these days with him for granted. Sometimes he’s annoying. A lot of the time he’s just hysterical. He knows how to be serious too. He’s a good listener. He’s learned how to notice when his sisters need hugs. He has learned the value of being generous (we used to call him the “boy miser” as a child :) He is one of the hardest workers that I know. He takes his muddy work boots off before going into a clean house. He treats girls with respect and honor. He has BIG ideas for his movies, and will try as many crazy things as he has to in order to get the shot he needs (even if that means slamming himself on the sidewalk 20 times in a row…) He is probably the coolest guy I know. I love him.

I glanced over at him, saw his arm go out the window, smiled, and stuck my arm out my window. Down the big hill we went :)

I realized that I didn’t need to know WHY we were sticking our arms out the windows. If it could make him happy, it was worth it to me. So you might even catch me yelling “Crazy Ivan” as loud as I can every time I look behind me next time I’m on a walk in the neighborhood with him…or yelling “COW” or “AARDVARK” every time a car drives by (depending on whether the car is in front of us or behind us…)

It’s amazing what a little brother can do to you, when he becomes one of your best friends…

me and charlie

I do plan to post the stories of last saturday in the near future, but the stories of my life don’t stop and wait for me to write them down :) soooo here goes this weekend….

Ok, folks…yesterday I got up at 4:25am, and left with my family for NYC. We met up with my mom’s brother, Tom and his wife Cathy for a day in the city, sitting on top of a double-decker tour bus (the kind you can hop off and hop back on whenever you want all day)…I haven’t been in the city since I was a toddler.

Highlights of the Day:
- eating at “Ellen’s Stardust Diner” on Broadway, where all the wait staff are actors/actresses who take turns SINGING while they wait on you…hilarious :)

- (the one is for Jonathan Burke) taking pictures of a street rapper, who got my name from my aunt, and started rapping about me (after he had been rapping about her…and then proceeded to rap about the rest of my family…all as we waited in line to get on the tour bus…it was totally the jam :)

- watching my mom get SO excited about being in the city again with her brother

- taking hundreds of pictures :)

- being at ground zero and seeing some of the recontruction

- jenn, charlie and I buying “I [heart] NY” shirts on the street (because they were 3 for $10…and there are 3 of us :)

- looking at all the cool art for sale in Battery park

- finding reasons to quote Joe Versus the Volcano all day

- meeting up with mom’s other brother Joe, his wife Gail, and 2 of our cousins (Jess and Mike) and getting to hang out and talk over some good food…

LOOKING FORWARD TO: spending today with my great aunt Billie — our little, 92-year-old Italian aunt, who is still living on her own AND on a bowling league. (She switched to an earlier league so she wouldn’t be out so late, and got in with a group of college kids, who love her to death, and have been known to invite her to go clubbing with them…and she has been known to go :) I hope I got her genes somehow…

Today I’m praying that God will help me understand His love for me more fully, and to learn what “brotherly love” really means. I know that may seem kind of general, but in the context of my life right now, I feel like those two things are key. So if you think of it, or have the time, you can pray those things for me too. I’d appreciate it. And I will pray for you…(especially if you tell me who “you” are, because I can only guess if you don’t comment :)

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophesies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace himself sancify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. Brothers, pray for us.” 1 Thes. 5:16-25